The Power Of Love

INTRODUCTION

It's a dreamy night on the Amalfi coast in Italy, where the moonlight paints everything in a magical glow, looking out over the mountains and the water, I'm here with lovely Lucia, who has just turned 40. We're about to dive into a conversation about what it's like to be single at 40, and I couldn't be more thrilled to share this moment with you.

CHILDHOOD & GROWING UP

But first, let's rewind a bit. Picture a family dynamic that's as lively as it gets. Lucia's parents were both teachers and if you can believe it, four out of five of her mom's siblings were gym teachers. They must've had the fittest family gatherings! Her dad, on the other hand, was a football coach who nearly took his team to glory. Funny how love can strike at the oddest times - for Lucia's parents, it happened over a game of bowling.

Growing up in New Paltz, New York, Lucia had nature's wonders at her doorstep. Think rolling hills, outdoor adventures, and farms as far as the eye can see. She shared her childhood with her younger sister, Felicia, and her brother, Dante. Being the big sister, Lucia embraced her role as the responsible one.

But the real flavor of her upbringing came from her Italian heritage. Both sets of grandparents hailed from Italy, adding a rich cultural tapestry to their lives. From sun-soaked Annunziata in the South to the border town of Trieste on her mother's side, the family's culinary traditions were a delicious testament to Italy's diverse culture.

Yet, it wasn't always a smooth ride. Lucia's maternal grandmother faced the harsh reality of being an Italian immigrant in the U.S., where being Italian was sometimes seen as a negative. To fit in, she practiced her English in front of the mirror to lose her Italian accent. But behind closed doors, their home was a haven for Italian traditions, keeping their heritage alive.

Growing up in upstate New York might sound a bit dull to some, but it was a place where family bonds were unbreakable. Back then, the Hudson Valley wasn't the hotspot for craft breweries and wineries it is today. Hiking wasn't the cool thing to do, but it was a special way for Lucia and her father to bond.

Now, let's talk about family dynamics. Lucia's parents divorced when she was just twelve, and it turned her life into a whirlwind of alternating between Mom and Dad's homes, juggling even and odd years, and navigating holidays like a pro diplomat. Chaos? You bet. But it was all about keeping the peace and making everyone happy.

To make things even more interesting, her parents weren't exactly on the best terms. Her mom's infidelity added an extra layer of complexity, but her dad remained unwavering in his commitment to prioritizing his children above all else. Love, for him, was a constant, a guiding light in their turbulent journey.

Lucia's role as the oldest child was pivotal during her parents' turbulent divorce. It wasn't an easy path; her stepfather's manipulations led to unsettling accusations against her dad, causing upheaval and even involving child protective services. Lucia emerged as the pillar of strength, taking responsibility for her family's well-being.

Her younger brother, Dante, felt neglected during those trying times, leading to some questionable choices in life. But through his journey, including a stint in the Navy, he found his way back to stability, demonstrating remarkable resilience.

Felicia, Lucia's sister, had her own struggles as the middle child, feeling left behind amidst the chaos. Her journey was a bit more challenging, but she eventually found stability and intimacy through her great career, strong relationships, and family bonds.

The family's experience left a lasting imprint on Lucia's approach to relationships. Her history of dating men who needed caretaking and her recent "man cleanse" reflect her commitment to personal growth and self-worth. Her deep dive into therapy and healing since her father's passing during the COVID-19 pandemic has opened doors to self-discovery.

EMBRACING TRANSFORMATION

Lucia's cathartic decluttering of her life—both emotionally and physically—symbolizes her readiness to embrace the future. Her career shift into health coaching reflects her desire to connect with her true purpose, a journey she's passionate about.

But perhaps the most profound insight is her emphasis on self-love and faith. Lucia believes that we all have a unique purpose on this earth and that understanding it requires peeling back layers to uncover our skills and purpose. She's learned that loving oneself is the foundation of loving others, and patience, a healthy lifestyle including mind, body, spirit, and community, and faith are key elements on this transformative journey.

Lucia's story reminds us that life is a tapestry of experiences and lessons, and it's never too late to embrace self-discovery and healing. It's about planting seeds, nurturing them, and having faith that, at the right time, all things will work together. It's a story of growth, resilience, and the enduring power of faith and self-love.

THE PATH TO LOVE

As we continue, we delve into her mindset regarding the future, her evolving preferences, and her approach to finding the right partner.

Lucia is clear that her focus is now on self-care and self-love. She's learned not to rush into relationships and invest emotionally too quickly. She acknowledges that her natural inclination to care for others must be balanced with looking out for herself.

The idea of not wanting to chase or fix someone resonates deeply with her. She now values someone who is ready, someone who is confident, and whose timing aligns with hers. This shift is significant because, as she mentions, her past relationships often involved trying to rescue or heal her partners.

Lucia's newfound confidence, stemming from her career and personal growth, has allowed her to be more discerning about potential partners. She has realized that settling is not an option; she's looking for someone who genuinely moves her.

I raise the question of age and changing expectations. Lucia acknowledges that her preferences have evolved, reflecting her personal growth. She recognizes that the right partner at this stage of life may be someone who is more established and confident, aligning with her own newfound strength.

Lucia's openness to dating someone who is divorced or has children shows her maturity and willingness to embrace different life experiences. She's ready to be a resource for any potential stepchildren, drawing from her own experiences growing up in a divorced family.

The conversation also highlights the balancing act of being cautious but not overly so when it comes to dating. Lucia's newfound self-awareness allows her to tread lightly in new relationships, taking her time to get to know her potential partner before diving in headfirst.

I ask about the possibility of the right person not coming into her life, and Lucia responds with a sense of peace and acceptance. She emphasizes that life is full of opportunities, whether in a relationship or not, and her focus remains on living her purpose and being the best version of herself.

EMBRACING GROWTH

Lucia's reflections on turning 40 and her newfound perspective on life and relationships provide a beautiful conclusion to her story. She's learned to trust in God's plan, to have faith in herself, and to embrace the journey of self-discovery. Her experiences have taught her that being single at 40 is not uncommon, and it's a time to focus on personal growth, self-love, and self-care.

The reference to the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" and the ladybugs serves as a powerful metaphor for finding love when you stop searching and instead focus on your own well-being. This aligns with her belief that what you truly desire will come to you when the time is right.

The interview concludes with Lucia emphasizing the importance of having confidence, faith, and belief in oneself. She encourages others to unlock their full potential and to focus on their purpose in life. Ultimately, the message is clear: being single at 40 is not a setback, but an opportunity to become the best version of oneself and to embrace the exciting chapters that lie ahead.